I listened to an article this weekend that was published in the New York Times called What if there is no such thing as closure? There is a related book called The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change by Pauline Boss. I have not read the book yet but put it in my waiting list at the library.
Many years ago, my wise husband began changing his terminology. We no longer talk with younger missionaries about "culture shock" but more about "cultural grieving". Sure there are moments of culture shock at first, but in time what we are all really dealing with is the loss of, well, everything and everyone we know. It has helped us.
I also think this pandemic has created unidentified losses and grief. Life as we knew it does not exist and for many change is hard. Unexpected home schooling brought challenges to many families. Working from home can be good or isolating. Shopping online can be efficient and time saving or sad because shopping in public is something you enjoy doing. New organizational skills either blossom or you are burdened by the lack of them. Time together with friends or even family is limited or nonexistent. I could go on but the question remains how do we cope with these changes and losses? Many have formed pods with people they are comfortable with while some are now beginning to widen those pods and interactions. Others have ignored the concerns altogether and have continued as usual. What is most important in all of this is to be cognizant of our own sadness and loss and also to be aware of the pain of others. For me, one of my joys is having people in my home through hospitality so the lack of openness in my home has been an extreme loss for me these past two years. Therefore I have attempted to reach out to friends and family in a variety of ways - zoom calls, zoom Bible Studies, letters, food deliveries, gift cards, phone calls, online baby showers, and other ideas. But it takes a conscious effort to reach out in unfamiliar ways. Each of us needs to step out in faith asking God to show us how He would like us to minister to self and others. Be kind and forgiving to self, be kind and gracious to others. Think creatively outside the box.
Health is big one...when you are used to getting about but now have limitations or your loved one now has limitations, It is a grief. If you now need to depend on someone for help, or your spouse can no longer do things he or she used to do, it is a grief or loss on both parts. One mourns what can no longer be done. The other must take up more responsibilities. Both experience grief for their loss, and concerns for their unknown future.
Oh my goodness. I don't have access to the NYT article, but your words resonated so much within me. As an adult TCK / child of career overseas workers, there is much in my emotions and thoughts that has always been difficult to define as I move through the world and through the culture of my parents. Belonging everywhere and also nowhere, feeling included and also invisible. Thank you for giving me more words today. ♥️
Many years ago, my wise husband began changing his terminology. We no longer talk with younger missionaries about "culture shock" but more about "cultural grieving". Sure there are moments of culture shock at first, but in time what we are all really dealing with is the loss of, well, everything and everyone we know. It has helped us.
I also think this pandemic has created unidentified losses and grief. Life as we knew it does not exist and for many change is hard. Unexpected home schooling brought challenges to many families. Working from home can be good or isolating. Shopping online can be efficient and time saving or sad because shopping in public is something you enjoy doing. New organizational skills either blossom or you are burdened by the lack of them. Time together with friends or even family is limited or nonexistent. I could go on but the question remains how do we cope with these changes and losses? Many have formed pods with people they are comfortable with while some are now beginning to widen those pods and interactions. Others have ignored the concerns altogether and have continued as usual. What is most important in all of this is to be cognizant of our own sadness and loss and also to be aware of the pain of others. For me, one of my joys is having people in my home through hospitality so the lack of openness in my home has been an extreme loss for me these past two years. Therefore I have attempted to reach out to friends and family in a variety of ways - zoom calls, zoom Bible Studies, letters, food deliveries, gift cards, phone calls, online baby showers, and other ideas. But it takes a conscious effort to reach out in unfamiliar ways. Each of us needs to step out in faith asking God to show us how He would like us to minister to self and others. Be kind and forgiving to self, be kind and gracious to others. Think creatively outside the box.
Health is big one...when you are used to getting about but now have limitations or your loved one now has limitations, It is a grief. If you now need to depend on someone for help, or your spouse can no longer do things he or she used to do, it is a grief or loss on both parts. One mourns what can no longer be done. The other must take up more responsibilities. Both experience grief for their loss, and concerns for their unknown future.
Oh my goodness. I don't have access to the NYT article, but your words resonated so much within me. As an adult TCK / child of career overseas workers, there is much in my emotions and thoughts that has always been difficult to define as I move through the world and through the culture of my parents. Belonging everywhere and also nowhere, feeling included and also invisible. Thank you for giving me more words today. ♥️